For Some Reason....



You know... I've been on some straight other shit the past few months.... Since November, I have had 3 jobs (long story), got a boyfriend... got punched in the chest by said boyfriend.... and left said boyfriend... diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder II and given 1650 mg of medication that I have to take on a daily.... my car got repo'd... I'm just like "WHAT THE FUCK?"

I know... that was alot to drop in one simple paragraph... so let's start at the beginning...

In November, I was fired from my job. Racist people, but I digress... I got another job in December in Strongsville... but they didn't want to give me 40 hours, and driving all the way to Strongsville for 20 to 25 hours just wasn't gonna get it... the paycheck was only paying for gas. So I quit. In January, I got a job at this collection agency. Yeah, I was one of those annoying people calling to collect money for someone else. First-party collections, okay, I might be able to do that. Third party? Nah, wasn't really my cup of tea. But, it was 5 minutes from my house, and it was 40 hours... I wasn't agressive enough and didn't collect enough, so I got fired. Whatever. I didn't get another job until a week ago... it's pretty cool, more my forte.

Okay... the whole Bipolar thing... I started seeing a psychotherepist in January, because quit frankly, I thought I was going to lose my fucking mind. I couldn't sleep, was never eating... didn't answer my phones... unless of course it was some random man calling coming over to give me some... which was the only thing that made me feel like I was worth something at the time... every one I know was like "You need to talk to somebody" and I knew that was true, but I was on a downward spiral of self-destruction and I couldn't stop it... I called this number at University Hospital for this study... and the lady almost hositalized me... they say Bipolar Disorder is hereditary... I don't know... I take way too much medicine for my taste, but they say it will help, so I guess it will... all the shit does is make me sleepy.

Now, the boyfriend. His name, LaShon. He lives down the street from me. I met him on Superbowl Sunday through my best friend's cousin. He's been a friend of the family for a while I guess, I never met his ass though. Sweet enough, older (he's 40), and has a real job (he's a paramedic). No more of the street thugs I was dealing with... things were cool for a minute... then the verbal abuse began... I was stupid and crazy and all that other stuff because I was on medication... I was weak minded and a nobody and blah blah blah... now, I've never been stupid, but I was already on some bullshit because I had just been diagnosed and I was already wondering what was wrong with me and why I couldn't be normal... and for somebody I had grown to care alot about to downgrade me like that was heartbreaking... but I dealt with it... then about a week ago, we get into this big ass argument, and he halls off and punches me square in my fucking chest... POW!!!... a sane person would have just left, right? No, not the Bipolar bitch... pure reflex had me all in this negro's face... he pushed me, i pushed him back... he punched me in my chest again.... I slapped the shit out of him... and then thought about it... before this can get any uglier than it already is, let me grab whatever belongs to me and get the fuck out of this man's house... so I did... and every thug I know is ready to whoop his ass... ALL of them... and I know alot of them too... I told them to wait... not now... cause then he'll know it has to do with me... I've filed a restraining order... he can't even walk past my house to the store cause he can't come within 500 feet of me, my house, or my job.

And yeah, my car got repo'd last week too... hey, I was behind 3 months, what can you do? I'll be on the road again soon... the note was too fuckin high anyway...

I just really needed to vent, I'm done... holla at a playa... lol

J.