I must warn anyone who still reads my blog now that this post may be more random than anything I have ever written before in my life. I'm in a mood right now and I honestly don't know what to do...

As you might recall I suffer from Bipolor Disorder. So I guess this may be what you would call a manic Episode. I can't sit still, my thoughts are all over the place... my hands and legs are shaking like dice in a craps game. I'm afraid to call my doctor for two reasons... first reason, I stopped taking my medication in May. Not slowed down, or reduced the dose. STOPPED. Cold damn turkey. Second reason is cause I stopped my medicine and I'm feeling like I'm about to fly out of control, I do believe that my doctor will hospitalize me. 72-Hour Hold style. I can't afford that shit, I got a job, yo...

But I'm sitting here at my desk, supposed to be working and I can't fucking concentrate on anything. I know I needed to get this out of my head right now and I can't stop typing... I'm seriously fucked up. I tried calling my sister... no dice she ain't answering her phone. I tried IM-ing my boo boo... no dice, he's not online... I can't very well talk to the people I work with, cause they will call an ambulance and then we're back to 72-Hour-Hold scenario...

Maybe I do need a rest in a hospital. I don't know what's going on with me. I've been feeling fucked up for like 2 and a half weeks now... I've been angry to the point where I'm kicking shit, punching shit, throwing shit... I haven't been eating, sleeping... I've been fucking everything moving... well not EVERYTHING, but I did do some very unsafe things in the last 2 weeks... like I just met my boo boo 2 weeks ago. The first time he came to my house, he didn't leave for 4 days. He's only not been at my house 2 days in the last 2 weeks. Now don't get me wrong, we get along famously and we have 99.99999% of things in common. We know just about everything there is to know about each other (up talking all night cause the Manic bitch can't sleep)... he knows I'm Bipolar too...

Okay, I'm gonna go now... I cna't take this anymore....