Rant

So I'm still not in the sanest (sp?) of moods right now... so this still might be random as hell. I'm still off my meds, off my rocker, and probably on a one way trip to St Vincent Charity Hospital psychiatric ward. But at this point, I don't even care. I just found out that the job that I've had for the last 2 1/2 months may not be mine anymore because, of no fault of my own, there is NOTHING FOR ME TO FUCKING DO. Not my fault that the girl I work with hoards all the damn work and I sit here, twiddling my thumbs, on Yahoo Messenger and fucking Myspace. I want to work, since I'm here and everything. I would much rather be sitting at home collecting my SSI Disibility, just so I don't have to deal with people. I can close my bedroom door, put on my headphones and block out the ENTIRE world. Sounds wonderful. I don't have to worry about mu'fuckas blaming me for shit. I don't have to worry about people getting on my nerves. I don't have to worry about anyone or anything cause I'll be in my own lil fucking world. I can let in only the people I feel like being bothered with.

Okay, so I have this boyfriend. We'll call him "E". E is 25, and he and I have been in a relationship for 3 weeks now I believe. I mean, I like him a whole lot. I care for him deeply. We have 99.9999% of things in common, our birthdays are 3 days apart (His, August 2nd, Mine August 5th). Now they say 2 Leos have a hard time being in a relationship together, but so far so good.... I know one thing. The sex is PHENOMINAL. And I'm not just saying that. He's a little guy (as in stature) but what he doesn't have in height he makes up for... TRUST me. I mean, he's still taller than me, but how hard is it to be taller than me?

I've been dealing with my brother's dumb ass girlfriend for the last month. Apparently, she doesn't like me anymore. Not that I really give a fuck, but she's been doing and saying some of the most ignorant shit known to man. And what she fails to realize is I am a Certified Bipolar, with paperwork and everyting, and if I flip out on her dumb ass, all that will happen is I get a little vacation in a hopital and the speed up my SSI. She got one more mu'fuckin time to say some ole dumbshit and I swear I'ma knock her fuckin block off. ONE MORE TIME.

So, remember Yoson? Two entries ago... go back and reread if need be. How about my girl tells me he showed up at her house like a week ago, telling her that he was in love with me but didin't know how to express it. Now, in my last entry about him, I was telling ya'll how I wanted to show him how much I cared, right. I tred. You know what he did? DOG THE FUCK OUTTA ME. Wanna know why? Cause he goin through some shit wit his BM. Is that my fault? NO. I try to express some feelings to him, he walked away from me. Literally. Like did an about face and walked down the fucking street. I was beyond crushed. I just put my whole shit out there. Like "Here you go nigga, my heart, right here. Do what you will." Now, after all that talk about "All I wanted to do was love you and take care of you". I guess that's all it was... TALK. NOISE. Something to just SAY cause it fucking sounded good. Now, here he go, telling my GIRL how he feel about me. When all he had to do was FUCKING TELL ME. But of course he didn't do that, and things got strange, and I haven't seen him. Now, I'm in a relationship, and he ain't got shit comin. Flat the fuck out. Cause how do I know he won't do the same dumb ass shit all over again.

I'm done.
J.