5 Songs That Describe My Mood-- The "Is This Love?" Edition

So, I've told you all the story of this young man... and for some reason I'm really all into him. I mean, I'm into him like I was into Dick... and that's really saying something. I've driven to Conneaut to see him twice. Communicate with his mother and sisters on a regular basis... even gotten to the point where I'm accepting collect calls... what the fuck have I gotten myself into?

I find myself thinking about LeDon ALL the time... I've had some of the most erotic dreams of my life with him as my co-star... we ask each other all the time... "What's going on? Why are we feeling each other like this?" I don't know what it could be...

My mother is all on this "Don't believe anything that someone in prison tells you. Just because they say they love you and all that doesn't mean that they mean it." And I know that's true... however, my argument was this... A man could be standing in your face and tell you they love you and not mean it. They can feed you all the lies and the bullshit while laying in your bed and it means nothing... so I figure listening to LeDon is no different than listening to Dick... but this feels different... maybe I'm losing it...

Since the very first letter arrived from LeDon on November 9th, I have a total of 15 letters to the date of this post.... and we talk in them... I mean, letters are 5-7 pages long each time... we've shared our hopes, dreams, fears... what we want out of relationships and all that... we've discussed all he has to do to get released earlier... when he calls me, all his little dorm mates are talking to me like "This nigga love you, what you do to him?"... I'm falling hard... and I need to slow it down... but I can't... I really can't...

So, I bring to you for your listening pleasure 5 Songs That Describe My Mood-- The "Is This Love?" Edition... enjoy...

1. Whispers-- Usher-- This song kind of reminds me of us when we were younger... he told me recently that he couldn't really articulate how he felt about me back in the day.. because he was so young, he thought I wouldn't take him seriously... but told me that if his heart could have told me what it was feeling, we would never have been apart... there's one line in this song that that brings that statement to light... "If my hear could speak you'd know/ That I love you so/ And I'll never let you go"...

2. U Shoulda Known Betta-- Monica-- Okay, so maybe the only reason this song is on the list is because she's singing about being in love with a dude behind bars... and it kinda resonates with me, because I kinda am "Holding us down on my own" while he's away... I'm trying to encourage him to do the things he needs to do, because his sentence isn't mandatory... and he can get out in as little as 9 months if he does what he's supposed to do... and I'm trying to be his backbone... I think that may be why we are so into each other... I haven't abandoned him...

3. Find Your Way (Back In My Life)-- Kem-- LeDon and I hadn't been in any type of romantic relationship since we were teenagers... so how did we find our way back to each other? And why under these circumstances? I'm a firm believer in "Everything happens for a reason"... I just really wish I knew what the reason was...

4. Nowhere-- 112-- I was listening to this song the other day, and I swear I had a vision that he and I were going to be dancing to this song at our wedding... where that came from, I don't know... but I saw it... kinda spooky...

5. Killing Time-- Destiny's Child-- I'm just gonna give you a few lines and then I'll leave it alone... "Sitting on the stairway/ Hoping that you're okay/ Waiting patiently/ For you to come back to me/ I don't mind the waiting/ As long as there's still maybe/The possibility/ For you to be true to me"...

Maybe I'm really tripping... but this is what I feel right now... hope you enjoy the selections...

J