5 Songs That Describe My Mood-- Tired Of Dick Shit Edition

So, I've been bragging to you all about just how wonderful my boyfriend is... and he is a beautiful person... however... he's one of those men. You know the ones who tell you how much they love you, how much they need you... and in the next 5 minutes, they are on a completely different page in a whole different book, on some "I need my space, I don't want a commitment" type shit. WHA?!?

Let me explain. Saturday evening, Hakeem calls me. He's on some "I miss you, I need you, please come over." I'm talking sobbing, sad, blubbering type shit. So me, trying to be Super Girlfriend, run to my baby, because obviously something is wrong. I get to his house, we talk, we laugh, we chill out. Everything is great. We fall asleep on the couch listening to music, he's all "I'm so glad you're here." and I'm eating all this sweet shit up like strawberry cheescake...

The next morning, we wake up, still acting silly and shit, because that's what we do. I have to go to Walgreens, cause a bitch did forget some important products when she left home on some Captain Save A Nigga shit. He said he had to make some runs. I would probably beat him back to the house, so he gave me his keys. This was 11:00 AM. I was gone maybe 30 minutes. He called at 12:30 to say he'd be home shortly. Okay. I go take a shower, get myself together, and sit on the couch watching movies.... and wait... and wait... and wait... and wait...

At 4:10 PM, he shows up... with an attitude. Now, I'm thinking to myself, if anyone should have an attitude, it should be me. I don't drive across town to sit in the house while you go gallivanting all over town. If you wanna kick it all goddamn day, I can sit my ass at home. Gas costs ENTIRELY too much, and I don't got it like that to just be driving back and fuckin forth. If I drive a fucking half hour to his side of town, it's because I'm spending time with HIM, not sitting up in his house waiting for him to get back. I understand it could have been easy for me to lock up, drop his keys in the mailbox, and bounce. I know that. But again, I wanted to spend time with him. Because of our schedules, the only time we can see each other really is on the weekends.

Here's where the dick shit comes into play. He walks in the house with all this attitude, talking about "You can go home" and "I don't have to deal with your attitude" and "This is why I don't need no girlfriend because I need my space" and "I don't need nobody questioning me". Is the nigga bipolar or something? Paranoid delusions? Guilty conscience? I hadn't said a word. Yeah, I could have, but I didn't. We argue because he felt like I was questioning him when I sent him a text message that read verbatim "I'm bored, I'm lonely, I miss you, come home..." Now, I don't pretend to be the most intelligent mu'fucka on the planet, but was there a question in that? Was there even a direct order in that statement? Looks like a request. A legitimate request, since I am sitting all up in HIS house after HE asked me come. So anyways, he wants to watch the Browns game, which is fine, I know that. But he's steadily arguing with me, talking about his friends coming over to watch the game... I knew that too... he made it a point to let me know that some of these friends were female. Yeah, and? I'm not an insecure bitch. So what females are coming over to watch the game. Then he says "Are you going to behave?" BEHAVE??? Nigga, am I fucking five years old? You gotta tell me I need to play nice with your friends? WHAT??? Are THOSE bitches going to behave? Then he says "If you gone have an attitude with my friends you need to leave." So I politely grabbed my shit and was on my way out the door. Because I am NOT about to sit up in here and take this fucking abuse and I ain't did a muthafuckin thing to this fool. On my way out the house, he almost breaks his neck and almost knocks over the kitchen table to beat me to the door. For what? He let "Go Home" fly out his mouth 4 times. So guess what? I'm going home. Then this son of a bitch asks "Are you going to call me when you get home?" I say "For what?" Him, "Because I want you to." I got in my car, started it, and backed out the driveway, without a fucking word to him. Is he serious?

Bipolar, yeah, I'm convinced of that shit.

So, I'm pissed. More pissed at myself than I am at him. Because I know better. Only thing is, when I care about somebody, it's not no half ass shit. It's all or nothing with me. Once it's turned on, it's on full fucking blast. I continue to put my shit out there completely. That's the only way I know how to love. I wear my heart on my sleeve. Hell, I must wear it on my head since I keep head-butting a fucking wall... or maybe on my ass since I keep getting kicked in it... fuck it. They say the only way to love is to do it completely, regardless of the consequences, right? There is a such thing as self preservation, though...

So, I'm tired of the dick shit. And I've been listening to some crazy shit since last night. I bring to you, for your listening pleasure...

5 Songs That Describe My Mood- Tired Of Dick Shit Edition

1.) You Oughta Know-- Alanis Morrisette-- Yeah, I know... Damnit, I'm angry, and Alanis was angry then too...

2. and 3. Sleep To Dream and Shadowboxer-- Fiona Apple-- No explaination needed.

4. Slept So Long-- Jay Gordon of Orgy-- Okay, maybe this one needs a little explaining... Well, I don't really feel like it. Download it if you don't own it and listen to it. That's all I can tell you at this point.

5. Harder To Breathe-- Maroon 5-- U already know...

Enjoy!!
J