5 Songs That Describe My Mood-- The "Giving Him Something He Can Feel" Edition

Alright... I know what you're thinking... I should NOT be thinking about some random dude after what I just recently went though with Abuser, but here's the story...

His name is Yoson. He's 30, dark skin, about 6ft even, dark eyes, beautiful smile.... and this demeanor about him that just SCREAMS sexy. Confident. No nonsense. Just what I like, right? RIGHT!

I met him in March 06. He came over my girls house, I was on the phone with LeDon standing on her front porch... I hear a voice from behind me like "Damn, D, who is that?" I turn around and see this man standing in her living room, and I almost dropped the phone... Brand new all white NY Yankees fitted over a fresh fade, a baby blue/orange/white striped Polo shirt, crisp blue jeans, Jordans to match the shirt EXACTLY, and a Jordan jacket that matched the shoes.... OH MY GOODNESS... instant attraction. I stopped paying attention to what LeDon was saying, staring at this man here.

Yoson and I got together on some on again, off again type stuff. It was cool for the moment, but eventually, we both started catching some feelings. Things were complicated though. We both were in relationships. LeDon, incarcerated. His girlfriend, pregnant. I know what your thinking "He fucking around with you and he got a pregnant girlfriend?" Yeah, he was. And I knew it. I couldn't help it. He's so cool and so sweet and funny and all that stuff I swear that I'm looking for. Everybody we knew was telling me the relationship between him and his baby momma was rocky at best... but he was still with her and it was my duty to get him away from her....

My heart was in it, but my brain couldn't really handle it.

Last November, right after his birthday, we were at my house. He cooked dinner, we were watching movies and just enjoying each other's company. We had the deepest conversation ever. He really wanted to be with your girl here.... but I was slowly losing my mind at the time, and I didn't want to bring him into this web of Crazy I had woven so meticulously. We had the most beautifully intimate and intense sexual experience that night... cause he was what I wanted, but I was in no position mentally to deal with that...

I started pushing him away... not because I didn't have feelings for him... but because I did and I just could not deal with them at the time... I had been dealing with this dude and that one... still dealing with Dick and his bullshit... and eventually, he got tired of me pushing him away... SO he walked away... and 2 1/2 months later, I got with Abuser and everything went down hill...

Of course, Yoson and I still would see each other periodically, but we were never as close... and when he found out about all that happened with me, he was so angry with me, with the situation... he's all like "I would never have done that shit to you. I wanted to love you and take care of you." And I was so suprised... because I never thought he felt that strongly about me. Never in a million years did I think it was that serious. Last night, we talked. We got a few things out in the open. We let each other in on some things... and it looks like he and I may be beginning a new romance...

There's more to the story, but I honestly done't feel like typing all the details right now... instead, I bring to you for your listening pleasure 5 Songs That Describe My Mood-- The "Giving Him Something He Can Feel" Edition... enjoy...

1. Giving Him Something He Can Feel- EnVogue-- Come on, you should have KNOWN this was gonna be on the list... I guess since I did all the pushing in the beginning I need to prove that I'm really on some trying to make it happen stuff...

2. Do You Want To- Xscape-- On the same vane as the previous song, I want to know if he still feels as strongly as he used to... cause I do... if not more.

3. Always On My Mind- SWV -- you can ask ANYONE I know, I'm constantly talking about him, always dreaming of him (even when me and Abuser were together)... I guess even though my brain was fucking mush (still is, thanks to psychiatric medications), my heart was still intact...

4. Angel- Anita Baker I love this song, because it just explains how I feel so much... she says in one line "I won't be satisfied with just a piece of his heart" and that, my readers, is the truth. I gotta have all or nada...

5. If You Leave- Destiny's Child Featuring Next This song is how I felt at the beginning of our fling... if he left his girl, I would've left LeDon... but neither one of us was willing to leave the comfort zone... maybe we should have...

And there you have it folks... Toodles!
J.

BONUS TRACK BONUS TRACK BONUS TRACK



Never Should've Let You Go-- Hi Five (RIP Tony, you will be missed)

Here are the words... tell me if you feel me:

~~~verse 1~~~
Girl when I first met you, I didnt realize
You were looking to stay around but, I was looking to play around
Now I cant forget you, cant forget your pretty smile
Took for granted the love you gave and only thought of the love we made
Just when I found someone who could love me like the way that I need
I acted the fool and pushed her away from me

~~~Chorus~~~
And I'll be thinking 'bout you
Everynight and everyday
Cause in my heart I know (I know)
That I never should've let you go
And my love for you is stronger than I ever knew
But I couldn't tell you so
That I never should've let you go

~~~verse 2~~~
Do you think about me like I wasnt worth your time
I would give anything I have, if you'd give me another chance
Do you think you're better off without me playing games with you're heart in mind, oh yeah,
I dont blame u 4 leaving me but now you've got to believe in me
If you come back girl I promise that you'll see a change in my ways
I'll get down on my knee, I'll do anything you say

~~~Chorus~~~
And I'll be thinking 'bout you
Everynight and everyday (everyday)
Cause in my heart I know (I will know)
That I never should've let you go (ooh my love)
And my love for you is stronger than I ever knew
But I couldnt tell you so (oh oh oh)
That I never should've let you go

~~~Bridge~~
Is there someone else, (yeah, yeah)
Standing where I stood (ooh yeah)
Giving you the love (ooh yeah)
You never got from me
Girl I would give you the world
If I only could
Girl you will see
Will you come back to me
Would you come back to me

~~~Chorus~~~
And I'll be thinking 'bout you
Everynight and everyday
Cause in my heart I know (I know)
That I never should've let you go (oh yeah)
And my love for you is stronger than I (stronger than I) ever knew (ever knew)
But I couldnt tell you so (tell you so)
That I never should've let you go (oh yeah)

~~~Chorus~~~
And I'll be thinking bout you
Everynight and everyday (everynight and everyday)
Cause in my heart I know (I never)
That I never should've let you go (yeah yeah)
And my love for you is stronger than I (stronger than I, stronger than I) ever knew
But I couldnt tell you so (tell you so)
No I never should've let
Whoa I never should've let
No I never should've let you go....

And that's all I have to say about that....

J