Monday, September 25

Am I A Glutton For Punishment?... Or just plain fucking STOOPID?...

Let me tell you why I ask am I said "Glutton For Punishment"...

Remember this entry? It's about a 5 year roller coaster ride of a relationship where I was stupid doormat for a nigga named Richard (who my cousin affecionately calls "Dick")...

In the last 25 days, I have practically been dumped by a convict, stalked by a 19 year old college student (LOOOONG story, another blog), dogged by another dimwit named Antoine (yet again, another blog), and then comes Dick...

So, this past weekend, I went to go see Dick... I know I know, bad move... believe it or not, he and I still talk, and are still cool... and I'm sorry, but, the dick is good, so I had to get some... forgive me, but why go through trial and error with another when I can go straight to a person who knows EXACTLY what to do... I mean, I did fuck this dude on a regular basis for 5 damn years and everything...

And here's where things get a little sticky...

This particular night... something he said got me all aflutter... he was like "You've been really patient with me and I've been doing some of the most ignorant shit to you, and I want to apologize. I want to know what you want to do about us. You've been waiting to long for me to get it together..."

Now... had this been about 2 years ago, I would have probably jumped on this niggas lap and been like "Let's get married RIGHT NOW"... though, jokingly (I think) he did say "Let's go downtown and get married on Monday." I looked at him like "For real?" He was laughing, but he did say "Yeah, let's get married"... don't know if it was a joke or not...

I've seen him every other day since... talk to him for hours everyday that I don't see him... he bought me groceries (I just moved)... I don't know.... maybe it'll work this time.... I'm being super cautious... or should I just be like "Nah, dude... I'm done with you."

I do still care for this dude...

Damnit.

I am fucking retarded.... they say love makes you stupid...

J.

Thursday, September 14

Your Love Number is 2
Of all the numbers, you are the most caring and empathetic lover.Unselfish and humble, you find it easy to forgive your sweetie's mistakes.At times, your need to please can be come a bit too needy.As long as you remain somewhat independent, your relationships are perfectly balanced.

Tuesday, September 12

10 Songs That Describe My Mood-- The "Case Of The Ex" Edition

It has been a long September, my good people... and we're not even halfway through it... that's why this list is 10 instead the usual 5...

So, the reason for this post is simple... LeDon's "ex-girlfriend" has reappeared for the 3rd time since our relationship began... now, the reason why I have the word ex-girlfrind in quotes is because I was told by this man that that relationship was over and done with… I have since been informed by his mother AND his daughter (who have no real reason to lie to me) that the relationship was NEVER over… the girl had just been on her own set of bullshit or what have you… hence why the last 10 months, I have been supporting him mentally and financially, mothering his daughter, being a daughter to his mother… I mean, if this heifer is your girlfriend, why am I the one doing all of the girlfriend shit? Since that's who you WANT, that's who you LOVE... I'm so fucking pissed off right now... not with him, but with myself...

This all started when Keyshauna wrote her father a letter about 2 weeks ago… in this letter, she told him that she wanted him to marry me… now, kids will be kids and have hopes and dreams like that… I, personally, never really saw that coming to fruition… just women’s intuition I guess. I thought it was really sweet that she thought of me that way…

The letter I got back from LeDon was on some “We should keep it on a friendship level so nobody get hurt” type shit… but in the same sentence, he says “I love you unconditionally and would do anything for you”. Yeah, I don’t know if he thinks I’m fucking RETARDED or desperate, or will just buy any old bullshit, but he can feed that shit to this “girlfriend” of his… I’ve been through enough to know shit when I smell it, and this right here is some SHIT, and I’m not EVEN trying to wade my way through it, because I DON’T HAVE TO…

This is the SECOND time he’s flipped the script on me when it’s come to this girl… and I’m DONE… I’m not being a fool for another dumb ass nigga that doesn’t know what they want… I’m gonna try to convince him of anything… if he wants to deal with that wishy-washy ass female, then it’s on him… I hope she takes care of him… cause I’m sure as hell not about to anymore…

With that said, I bring to you for your listening pleasure, 10 Songs That Describe My Mood, The “Case of The Ex” edition…

1. "Irreplaceable"- Beyonce—You know, with the way I’m feeling, I can dedicate B’Day in it’s entirety to this fool… but this right here just says it all… “Don’t you think for one minute that you’re irreplaceable” because, damnit, I can find another man in a minute… that’s gonna love ME, not just what I do… as a matter of fact, I DID… tell you about him later…
2. “Gotta Go, Gotta Leave (Tired)" -- Vivian Green-- This song is all about a mu'fucka that doesn't appreciate what he has... sounds familiar...

3. "Knock Knock"-- Monica - You've heard the song, you know what it says...

4. "Fighter"- Christina Aguilera -- I am going to take this whole experience and suck it up like a soldier... move along and enjoy the rest of my life. This is going to make me a little more cautious... a little smarter... a little stronger... make me a fighter...

5. "I Used To Love Him"- Lauryn Hill -- No need to explain... though I do still love the idiot, it's going to fade... hopefully sooner than later

6. "You Had Me"-- Joss Stone -- Joss said it best: "You had me, you lost me"... Nuff said

7. "Be Happy"-- Mary J Blige -- Because really and truly, that's all I really want.

8. "She Don't"-- LeToya-- I know that this girl is who he wants, but flat out, she ain't me. She's not going to treat him the way that I do, love him the way that I did... but that is neither here nor there... I'm done...

9. and 10. "If" and "Free"-- Destiny's Child -- No explainaition will do these songs justice... Just listen to them. Although my favorite line in "If" is "If you don't know, now you know/ you're gonna miss/ My love/ Cause I was true when I gave you/ My love"...

And there you have it... Enjoy.